Construction and destruction — constructively dealing with people bent on destruction
Have you ever met that person who seems to swing around like a wrecking ball?
The ones going around laying their claws into anything and everything in hopes of mass destruction?
I know you have met that person. You may even be them.
Regardless of whether you are a constructive or destructive person — because the choice is yours — it is valuable to be aware that we are all constructing and destructing all the time.
No-one creates one hundred percent of the time, and there is always a time and place for destruction.
Everything built must, someday, be torn down — less it eventually rots away. We try to preserve some constructs for symbolic and historical purposes. But in the end, it will all be destroyed — eventually.
Everything is one day destroyed, whether by human intention or slowly melting into dust. Many times, though, we do not leave things to rot.
In a functional community, hazardous old houses and wastelands are destroyed and discarded. The constructs in our respective personal and professional lives are just like houses. Sometimes they must be torn down to make space for new ones — better ones.
Constructively, we destroy unhealthy relationships, careers we hate and things that do not serve us. We use this destruction for construction. We destroy to create, to re-build and to refine — no different than being born to die or vice versa.
In this regard, destruction is not inherently destructive — but necessary for construction. Life is a great paradox, though, and every aspect of human nature is a double-sided coin.
The wrecking balls we speak of are people who are bent on destruction. These are people who constantly destroy — the ones who tear things down but never build things.
These are the people that go around watering weeds instead of seeds.
Everything they do and say is in the spirit of destruction.
If you find that you are destroying more than you create, do not be hard on yourself. It is not your fault. It is a symptom of the human condition that I would dare to say all humans have experienced at some moment in their life — no matter how brief.
If you are dealing with destructive and negatively focused people, you can utilize their destruction by looking at it constructively.
When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change. — Wayne Dyer
When handled with great care, you can use the destructive nature of others to build. You can use their destruction for your construction.
Those bent on destruction are this way because of what is inside them, not what is inside of you. Nothing you could do or say would be enough to stop someone addicted to drama — or satisfied by viciousness — from being who they currently are. Hurt people hurt people. What comes out is what’s inside.
If what comes out is what is inside, then the people who spew divisiveness and destruction are filled with both. The people who try to blow up everything around them are desperately evading implosion — implosion within themselves.
Since every story has a Jonah, someone has to play that role. When you look at it this way, you can find solace and gratitude in the simple fact that you are not currently Jonah in the story of your life.
Reminding yourself of the pain and misery that destructive people manufacture in their own lives magnifies your compassion and reminds you to be grateful that you aren’t that person.
After all, you are not responsible for what comes out of them, but you are responsible for what comes out of you.
With gratitude and empathy, you can avoid taking even the most personal attacks personally. Then, without fear or disdain in your heart, you can use the destructive nature of others to build bridges — bridges that will bring beauty, not only to your life but to the lives of others.
You don’t have to allow destructive people to destroy things in your life. You don’t even have to let them ruin your day. You can see it for what it is and build on it, or you can let it chip away at your resolve.
The choice is yours. Just like what comes out of others is what is inside them, when you get squeezed by destructive people, the same applies to you.
You get to decide whether you want to be a constructive or destructive person — whether you wish to create and build or tear down and destroy. The reflection of your choice will be demonstrated by what happens to the things you touch.
As I touch this keyboard, I am creating, and I am destroying.
I create it in the spirit of hope — hope not only for me but for you.
I hope you destroy when necessary, but more than anything, I hope you create.
I hope you build.
I hope that, although you will misstep and need to start over sometimes, you build more things and people than you tear down. I hope when you do tear down, that you do so with love.
I hope you make more deposits than you do withdraws, and I hope you give as much as you can and take as much as you need.
I hope that when you do stumble and destroy things that you feel you shouldn’t have, you give yourself grace. I hope you remember that you can build again.
I hope you build again with grace and dignity.
Every moment you are creating and destroying — from the way you create protection for your foot with your shoe to the way you destroy coffee grounds in the garbage disposal.
No matter your spiritual beliefs, you cannot deny that you destroy and create things every day. My hope is that you are aware of what you are building and what you are ripping away.
Written by Holly Kellums
Photo by Robin Kumar Biswal from Pexels
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